I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
