I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
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