it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
