maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
