just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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