the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize