I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
