Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
