why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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