my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Randomize
