if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
it's like heaven, but drunker
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
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