I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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