She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
