were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
