i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
