I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
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