My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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