Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Randomize
