Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
