Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Randomize
