I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
