Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
