every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
