I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
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