You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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