I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
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