If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
We don't watch enough power rangers
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
