Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
