the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize