boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize