Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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