Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I think a kid would responsible me up
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
