I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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