there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
