finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
