Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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