so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
