can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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