Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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