hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Randomize
