Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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