i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
