if i can run in heels then i can drive
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
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