My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize
