I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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