how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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