I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
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