the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
