Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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