Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
i think my cat just said my name.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
