did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
