My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
