yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
