oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
