I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
