I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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