be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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