life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
