hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
