she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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