I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Randomize
