im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
