Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
