I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
