I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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