Your tits are I can't wait for
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
