...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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