If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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