found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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